A Haitian without a Scientologist: Like a Fish without a Bicycle?

It has been said that a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. I imagine Haitians must be feeling about the same about Scientologists right about now. But don’t worry, they’re staying.

As we reported last week, American actor John Travolta piloted his own Boeing 707 to Haiti, somehow pushing ahead of international aid groups, to deliver Scientologist “ministers” and “doctors” to the devastated island nation. Not content with getting in the way, the Scientologists say they are “there to stay”:

The Scientologists, who are carrying out an operation called The Volunteer Ministry Disaster Relief for Haiti, have already begun plans to build an orphanage in the country.

Members of the group have volunteered to work in the hospitals, using healing techniques that reportedly include touching certain parts of the body or telling patients to stare at the wall.

Ah, the useful “Touch Healing” of Scientology. A firsthand account of the usefulness of the Scientologists is provided by Gawker.com. Let’s see what lessons we can learn about Scientologists!

A Scientologist provides “Touch Healing” to a mortally-wounded Haitian. Or is that a neck rub to a tired American soldier?

. . . I didn’t expect to see 50 scientologists, in their yellow shirts with Volunteer Minister on them. They were completely unprepared for going to a third world country, let alone a disaster zone. One girl was in designer cowboy boots. I asked her if she’d brought any sturdier footwear.

“Oh no, these’ll be fine.”

I asked another guy what he’d packed and he said he hadn’t bothered to bring soap or toilet paper or food, but that he’d just “buy whatever I need at Port-au-Prince airport.” I couldn’t break it to him.

They had no place to stay, and no supplies — their idea was to use the ton of money they had to buy food to distribute when they got there. But there was no food and no water. That was the point.

Lesson One: Scientologists don’t do their homework, and they have a tenuous grasp on reality.

By the time we arrived in Haiti, after a stopover in Miami, we had missed three landing slots at the airport. Aid agencies — genuine aid agencies — from other countries were being turned away, refused permission to land. But we still got a slot straight away. The guy who ran our charter seemed to think that the Scientologists had some real influence with the US Government, who were assigning the slots.

Lesson Two: For some reason, as demonstrated by John Travolta’s earlier landing, Scientologists are more important to the US military than international aid organizations.

The doctors and EMTs in our party headed straight downtown to start working. The Scientologists had nowhere to go, and nowhere to put up the big yellow tent they’d brought for touch healing people in . . .

But they had no-one who spoke Creole, and they brought the weirdness of touch healing into a very superstitious society. They’d leave the tent and come into the general hospital downtown, and try healing people. One of the doctors and one of the nurses told me that the wounded started coming to them to tell them they didn’t want to be treated by the people in the yellow shirts.

Lesson Three: Scientologists are creepy. Oh, and Scientologists don’t respect local cultures.

One nurse told me that the Scientologists actually caused harm — they gave food to people who were scheduled to go into surgery. That then led to complications in the operating theater.

Lesson Four: Scientologists ain’t too bright, especially when it comes to medicine. Not only do they think touching people can cure gangrene, they see no reason to ask whether they should feed a patient or not. (Note: “Complications in operating theater” typically means “Patient vomiting during surgery while under anaesthesia”. That’s why you have surgery on an empty stomach, you see.)

The Church of Scientology has apparently set up an orphanage in Haiti, and has already begun indoctrinating children. And they’re in it for the long haul.

Pat Harney, a spokesperson for the organisation, told The Times: “I have no doubt that in some form or other there will be a church of Scientology here.”

Why? What is there to gain? Why can’t they leave these people alone, and why are people so eager to flit off to Haiti instead of corrupting people here in the US?

There are a couple of reasons. IndyBay provides one:

The Scientology organization has increasingly targeted poor countries such as Haiti in its recruitment efforts. Why would this money-hungry crime-cult be interested in one of the world’s poorest countries? The answer: Because they want to bring Haitians in to the USA on “religious worker” visas to serve as unpaid laborers.

Jeff Jacobsen, an anti-Scientology researcher, provides the following:

Why would a religious group need to bring in workers to the United States? Why would the U.S. set up a special visa for such workers? The Homeland Security office, in regards to religious workers visas, states that “The applicant is entering the United States solely to carry on the vocation of a minister of that denomination, or, at the request of the organization, the applicant is entering the United States to work in a religious vocation or occupation for the denomination or for an organization affiliated with the denomination, whether in a professional capacity or not.” …. The U.S. has recently been revising the rules for such visas to make them more strict in order to avoid fraud. Homeland Security states that in 2005 about one-third of all R-1 applications were fraudulent. …. The Church of Scientology wrote against making the rules tighter. Glen Stilo, secretary of Scientology’s Flag Services organization in Clearwater, Florida, explained in a letter that he feared use of the visas will be restricted to strictly religious duties. “A small percentage of our religious order perform work at our retreat that may not be considered ‘religious functions,’ such as administrative work unique to the ministry section of our church, or upkeep of church property and grounds.”

So, Haitians make good slave laborers for the Church of Scientology.

Anything else?

Did you know that Scientology is a multilevel marketing scheme? That’s right, proselytizers (they call them “Global Pioneers”) get a 12% cut of the “courses” their converts sign up for [citation other than Gawker needed - Jenny]. Not just the first one, but any courses. Yep, residual payments.

What’s a Global Pioneer, you ask? Let’s look at their website! (It doesn’t tell us much, there are many “content coming soon” pages.)

Their goal, noted in the front-page video, is “bringing the world in session”. They’ve had a group proselytizing in Haiti since 2008.

They’re headed up by Cary Goulston. IndyBay points out:

Originally from Boston, Cary Goulston is a hardcore Scientologist who has been in the cult since 1979. He serves the cult as a Field Staff Member (FSM), which means that he actually receives a commission – money – for every new person he brings in to begin indoctrination.

RGP Media has posted a press release from Cary Goulson detailing the Global Pioneers’ successes during the week of January 15 – 22. Among the highlights:

GLOBAL PIONEERS – summary of Major Acheivements Jan 15 – Jan 22

* We got the US Government to include us as part of the “Joint Command” of US and UN Military working with the 5 approved NGOs under the US Southern Command. This entitled us to land and operate a Command Post out of the airport in Port Au Prince.

* First Ever chartered Scientology flight.

* First ever combined collaboration project with VMs, Doctors, EMTs and other humanitarian groups working side by side to help Haiti, sponsored and coordinated by The Church of Scientology VMs.

* Over 300 DRs, EMTs, and VMs sent to Haiti in two chartered flights to Haiti with more coming.

* VMs put in charge of all Doctors and supplies that come in to the airport, registration and distribution.

Keep up with the exciting exploits of Scientology Volunteer Ministers at http://blog.volunteerministers.org, or on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/ScientologyVM!

h/t to Gawker for the press release and more!

Ex-Scientology discussion forum: http://forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?p=369632

SO, what in does Scientology have with MSNBC? Here’s a nice puff piece, which could have come directly from the Church of Scientology’s own offices:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Related articles:

1. Proselytizing in Haiti: Not Just for Christians
2. Christians Give Haitians What They Need Most – Solar-Powered Bibles
3. Proselytizers refuse to waste a crisis
4. Laura Silsby's Messiah Complex, Part II
5. Blackmail, Bribery, Coercion: Scientology and the IRS

Jenny Donati is webmistress and co-editor of Secular News Daily. Jenny is an outspoken secularist who believes firmly in the separation of church and state. She demands evidence to support arguments, and holds herself to the same standard. She doesn't write about herself in the third person . . . but there's a first time for everything.

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