Man in Dress Forbids Kennedy from Joining in Ritualized Cannibalism. Makes National News.

A man wearing a dress forbid Patrick Kennedy from participating in ritualized cannibalism, and told other men who wear dresses not to allow Rep. Kennedy to participate in this pagan ritual at any of their indoctrination and donation-reception centers. For some reason, this is national news.

Bishop Thomas Tobin, Rhode Island’s Catholic Cult headmaster, is seen here wearing the traditional colorful gown and fancy hat which tells Mary that she should listen more to this person than to others in the building.

Tobin and Kennedy have had a multi-year spat, in which Tobin has asked him (since 2007) not to receive communion because Kennedy supports abortion rights. Now, Kennedy went too far, and supported the ObamaCare bill, which contains funding for abortion. Seems Kennedy has made a point of representing his constituents, not the Catholic Cult.

In a move which should surprise no one, Kennedy claims that Bishop Thomas Tobin has now instructed priests in Rhode Island not to allow Representative Patrick Kennedy to partake in “communion”. In this bizarre ritual, a Catholic magic man waves a cracker, or “wafer”, in the air within a fancy metal container and commands his god to enter it.

That’s right, the magic man can control his god!

This makes the wafer turn into human flesh. Now, it looks just like a wafer, but it’s really flesh. So, the people coming to take part in the ritual can eat their god, then digest him, then flush him down the toilet. Make sense?

But wait, there’s more!

The magic man also puts fermented grape juice (that is, wine) into a special cup, and commands his god to enter that, too! The wine is magically transformed into human blood, which just happens to look, taste, smell, and be molecularly identical to wine.

This way, the people can not only eat their god, but they can drink him, too! Those who “pisseth against the wall” can then write “GOD” in the snow with their cleverly-named god, “God”.

Kennedy has publicly complained that he is no longer permitted his mid-day wine and crackers snack. Tobin, interestingly enough, has a different position:

In his statement, issued in response to the Kennedy interview, Tobin said his advice to the congressman was “pastoral and confidential,” and he was surprised that Kennedy chose to discuss it publicly.

“I am disappointed that the congressman would make public my request of nearly three years ago that sought to provide solely for his spiritual well-being,” he said.

In an October interview, Kennedy criticized the bishops for threatening to oppose the overall bill if it did not include those restrictions. That prompted Tobin to call Kennedy’s position “unacceptable to the church and scandalous to many of our members.”

Tobin said Sunday only that he asked Kennedy not to take Communion.

“I have no desire to continue the discussion of Congressman Kennedy’s spiritual life in public,” he said. “At the same time, I will absolutely respond publicly and strongly whenever he attacks the Catholic Church, misrepresents the teachings of the church or issues inaccurate statements about my pastoral ministry.”

There you go. Tobin sought only to blackmail Kennedy privately, rather than make his withdrawal of snacktime public.

The question on my mind: Why is this national news? Can’t Kennedy get wine and crackers at the Safeway, for crying out loud?

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Jenny Donati is webmistress and co-editor of Secular News Daily. Jenny is an outspoken secularist who believes firmly in the separation of church and state. She demands evidence to support arguments, and holds herself to the same standard. She doesn't write about herself in the third person . . . but there's a first time for everything.

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