Catholic Church Issues Pre-Sex Prayer

The Roman Catholic Church, not content with its current methods of encouraging debasement, has issued a prayer couples should recite prior to intimate relations.

Part of the Catholic Truth Society’s Prayer Book for Spouses (Prayer and Devotion), the prayer reminds Catholics of their innate worthlessness.

Father, send your Holy Spirit into our hearts. Place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes.

Open our hearts to you, to each other and to the goodness of your will. Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy and forgiveness. Clothe us in true dignity and take to yourself our shared aspirations, for your glory, forever and ever. Mary, our mother, intercede for us. Amen.

“Cover our poverty . . . Clothe us in true dignity”?

That’s right. You, filthy human, are nothing without your imaginary friend. You are scum. Sex is dirty unless you’re having it with God (in your heart, that is, get your depraved mind out of the gutter).

And before you have sex with your wife or husband, you need to remind yourself of this fact.

Is it possible this is a new form of Catholic birth control, intended to induce impotence?

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Mike Daniels is co-editor of Secular News Daily.

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