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David Letterman Suggests Palin Rape

UPDATE: This article was written before July 8, 2009. On that date, the Paliban Daily changed its focus. Please see our About page for more details.

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Monday night, late-night talk show host David Letterman suggested that it would be most amusing if roid-raging baseball player Alex Rodriguez raped and impregnated 14-year-old Willow Palin. Poor humor, or an opportunity for young Ms. Palin to get married and begin her career of raising Christian Soldiers for Jesus early?

On his show Monday night, Letterman lampooned the Palin family’s visit to a New York Yankees game this way: “There was one awkward moment during the seventh inning stretch. Her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.”

Rodriguez - Palin's Baby Daddy?

While some think that such an event would finally liven up the incredibly boring game of baseball, particularly if it took place on the pitcher’s mound, Sarah Palin was not so amused. She went so far as to say that Letterman was a pervert, and that “It would be wise to keep Willow away from David Letterman.”

We’re not sure why it is that Palin is so offended. After all, her older daughter, Bristol, engaged in consensual relations with Levi Johnston and is now raising a Hellbound bastard child. But what of rape?

As it is written in Deuteronomy 22:

28If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;

29Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

Now, given her big sister’s whoredoms, it may not be a safe bet that Willow Palin is actually a virgin at age 14. However, if she is, then Mr. Rodriguez would be required under Biblical law not to serve a jail term, but to pay off Todd Palin, then marry young Willow and be a Daddy to her baby.

What a great way to ensure that Willow’s children don’t spend eternity in Hell, like big sister Bristle’s baby!

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2 Responses to “David Letterman Suggests Palin Rape”

  1. Augie983 says:

    Aww, the pity party for the Palinbanical clan! Whilst the lady doth protest a comedian’s right to free speech, she did not doth it upon herself to berate her fellow party members for having done and said even worse to yet another child ‘o the political opposition, little Chelsea Clinton

    if she can’t deal with an entertainer, how is she going to deal with al Qaeda in 2012?

  2. Jenny says:

    Do you even know what “doth” means? :D

    What has she said about “little” Chelsea Clinton, then?

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