Garden of Eden Serpent Found
Humor Thursday, February 5th, 2009Note: This site transitioned from a parody of Christian fundamentalism to a secular news site in July of 2009. This article has been recategorized as Humor, but otherwise unedited.
Creation scientists have discovered the 6,000-year-old remains of a gigantic snake, from which modern boas are descended. Is this the serpent from the Garden of Eden?
The small, pale bone between those labeled “a” and “b” is from a modern boa, which is typically about 10 feet long. Creation scientists believe that the supernatural owner of the larger bones was a mammoth 42-foot-long, 2500 pound monster!
Now, many folks who are not familiar with the Bible might think that the serpent in Eden was Satan, the fallen angel. The Bible says no such thing; that is a fiction invented by the Catholic church.
Don’t believe me? Think I’m wrong? Please, show me the verses which support your accusation. I’ll wait.
Creation scientist James Harneckie, PhD tells us, “This was doubtless the serpent from Eden. With its incredible size, it could have easily picked fruit from the tree and given it to Eve.”
“We’re always thrilled when the archaeological record matches the Biblical history!”
Others are not so easily convinced.
The bones were found in South America, says renowned atheist PZ Myers. Therefore, the snake must certainly have lived there, in “a thick-aired, sweltering oven [of a jungle], with giant snakes crawling about. They were likely to have eaten large crocodilians . . .”
Dr. Myers offers no comment about why remains of these large crocodilians haven’t been found. Perhaps this snake ate them all?
Dr. Harneckie offers an explanation for the snake’s location. “The snake, like all other species, drowned in the Great Flood. In the turmoil as waters swept over the earth, the carcass floated to present-day South America, where it was deposited in the many layers of sediment.”
Take that, atheists!
Related articles:
- BBC Visits Creation Museum, Learns Truth
- Pray4Healing Founder Incensed by Competing Site
- In Brief: New South Wales schools invaded by proselytizers disguised as volunteer teachers
- GW Bush Abandons God – Economic Collapse Explained
- Nude Worship Offends People Who Don't Attend That Church
live4him You can follow comments on this article through the RSS Comment Feed. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry.
[...] the fallen angel. The Bible says no such thing; that is a fiction invented by the Catholic church. [...]
From 1859-2009 some Liberal PhD scholars embracing an anthropological view understand Eden's serpent is a recast of Mesopotamian gods who bore the Sumerian epithet ushumgal "great serpent." In the myths they create man to care for their city gardens in the edin and deny him knowledge of good and evil, keeping him as their servant in a state of nakedness as he cares for their fruit tree gardens. They con man out of immortality with their subtle words. They rest on a 7th day after creating man. They send the flood to destroy man and the world. The Hebrews have merely recast these Mesopotamian myths, transforming gods who in human form who could walk and talk to man into a mere serpent. Eden's serpent is a fusion of several gods: Enki/Ea of Eridu, Enlil/Ellil of Nippur, Anu/An of heaven, Ningishzida and Dumuzi. This research was published in professional journals over 100 years ago by PhD scholars in Universities in Europe and the USA (1859-1910). Eden is a recast of the Sumerian Edin, the uncultivated land surrounding Sumer's city-gardens of the gods that man was created to care for on their behalf. Eden is in reality a myth, it never existed, its a recast of Mesopotamian tall tales about the gods of Edin who created man denied him knowledge, kept in as their naked servant, and destroyed him in a flood. Just google Eden's Serpent Ningishzida for more details.